Others worry that if they start setting boundaries, they will: Push people away Hurt their partner or family Be seen as selfish, cold, or uncaring This confusion is common. One of the most frequent patterns we see in therapy is the mix-up between healthy boundaries and emotional walls.

Boundaries have become one of the most talked-about concepts in self-help culture—but also one of the most misunderstood. Many people worry that setting boundaries will make them seem “mean,” “difficult,” or “cold.” Others swing to the opposite extreme and begin building emotional walls, cutting themselves off from people in the name of self-protection.